Since my separation in 2005 and my subsequent divorce in 2006, I've had a recurring dream. I'm sitting on a beach somewhere, my son building a sand castle and my daughter picking up seashells. Random people are walking by intermittently, none of whom I recognize. I can taste the salt on my lips and feel the continuous humid breeze against my face. My back is tender from a slight sunburn.
There is a woman sitting next to me, someone whose pinky is intertwined with mine as we prop ourselves up to enjoy the ocean view. Obviously I'm close with her -- neither of us speaks to the other, as there is no need for small talk. We're just enjoying the moment.
Whenever I turn to look at this woman, she is always a blur. Like I'm looking at her through frosted glass in a shower. I can't make out anything. Not facial features, not basic body type, not even the color of her hair. With the exception of one perfectly focused detail: her toes. Brilliant blue toe polish, a blue like the waters off of Maui. A toe ring on her second left toe in the shape of a butterfly with a tiny red jewel in the center. Her littlest toe on her right foot curls inward a little further than normal, as if she had injured it in the past. She twiddles them slowly, deliberately. As if she's enjoying the feel of the soft ocean breeze flowing through them. The big toe on her left foot has a callous. Obviously an active and athletic woman.
What's even more strange about this dream is that I don't have a foot fetish. At all. I honestly think feet are the most unattractive part of a woman's body. Yet for some reason the woman in my dream is limited to only showing me her toes.
I've had this dream off and on for literally the past 3 years. And I think I've finally figured out what it means...